Sunday, September 11, 2011

I Remember

They say that every generation has those moments they will never forget. When Elvis died, or Buddy Holly's plane crashed. The day JFK died or when Martin Luther King Was killed. For my generation We too have our moments we will never forget. September 11th 2001. The day Sadam Hussein died. The Day we found out about Osama Bin Ladens death. Now I can't remember real exact details about Sadam and Bin Laden, But forever burned into my soul are the moments, days, weeks surrounding September 11th. I will never forget the shock, heartache, fear, pride I felt surrounding 9-11.
I was Just turned 18. I had just moved into my very first apartment about a month or two before. It was a typical gorgeous fall morning in Minnesota. Cool breezy temperatures, the leaves were changing colors and the morning smelled like autumn to me. I woke up early and decided to drive out to my moms to finish gathering some more odds and ends of mine.
In the car on the way over there I did have the radio on, but I'm a channel flipper. If there isnt' a song on that I want to sing along with I flip and flip till I find one. I was hearing snippets about something going on in New York but paid no attention at all to them. Later everything I was hearing would make sense to me.
I got to my moms house and went about my business. Packing stuff and loading stuff and just having a good morning going through my stuff and being excited to finally be on my own. I had been working for a couple hours and I was now working in the garage. I decide to turn the radio and sit down and take a little cigarette break.
It's then that I start to hear more. Then that I start to realize something very bad has happened. Very very bad.
I have goosebumps just writing about this. All those feeling come back to me writing about this and seeing these images again. I think that's important. It keeps us from forgetting.
I don't remember who I called first. I was in shock. Thinking back now I know that's what it was. Full blown shock. I was scared. My heart was racing. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This CANNOT be real. Cannot.
I got home to the boyfriend as soon as could function and think clearly enough to do so. I turned the TV on. I cried.
I do not believe the English language has the words to describe the horror we were witnessing on the TV. The horror I watched over and over again on the TV. And I know that what we were seeing is only A fraction of the horror those poor souls lived in those moments. I have no words for the sadness and anger I feel for this.
My heart was breaking, Yet I could not pull myself away from the TV for days. Even now I still record anything on TV that is about 9-11. I think what I want is to make sure I don't forget. Also to understand. I still have a hard time fathoming that something like that could ever even happen. It seems unreal to me like a dream sometimes.
That first night was spent at Denny's where the bf at the time worked. I couldn't be alone. I needed others to tell me what they were thinking to see how they felt. To see if they could help me understand and process what was happening. All night I stayed. Thinking, crying , praying, in utter disbelief and sorrow for what was happening in New York. The moment I got home I put candles in the window. I Drew pictures and hung them on my front door. I was reaching out and releasing my emotions the only way I knew how. For weeks it was like this. It consumed my thoughts and Daily life. Never before had we witnessed such destruction and loss of life.
Although nothing can ever put right what was wronged that day, nothing can ever bring those souls back, but even with all of that, there was good going on too. Stories of miracles left and right. Stories of heroism and courage that you once thought possible only in fairy tales. Stories that seemed to ease just a bit the sadness we were all feeling. Those stories maybe we choose to remember more, but in reality ever single second of that day is important and should not be forgotten.
Through of all this our country banded together. Yes of course there were some vigilante crap but on the whole I think we came together. It was seeing more and more random kindness every where, It got people thinking. Got people telling their loved ones how much they loved them. And in new York, that city is now forever banded together. They share something as a whole. They came together when they needed to and got the job done.
I hope that someday I am able to visit Ground Zero. Someday I would like to pay my respects to those poor souls that were lost that day. Someday I would like to say thanks to the hero's that did everything they could that day. Someday I would like to go and see and remember.
I Remember. I will always Remember.
God Bless you all.
(all images from google images)

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